There are guys that you will do everything for regardless how they treat you. At this point in my life I feel like almost all the guy friends I have can manipulate me in that way. I’m just a 20 year old girl that doesn’t know how someone is supposed to treat me. I think I have been walked over by guys for years. My guy friends will text me to hangout and then I will end up driving and paying for them. I don’t think I’m a sucker but from what I’m typing it sounds that way. I think this stems from my need to be liked. Some of my friends will come get me and take me out but it seems like it isn’t equal, I feel that most of the time I’m giving way more of myself. I don’t want special treatment I just want mutual respect. I recently went on a trip camping with 1 other girl and 3 guys. The entire trip I did everything for the guys, I cooked their meals, I washed the dishes, I got things for them. I don’t know they think that is a woman’s “job” but it isn’t. I care about these people so I would do almost anything for them and they take advantage of me. 

I have a really good friend name Jose and we used to be super close. He would always ask me to hangout and I would ask him and we just had a really good time together, but now it seems like he only talks to me as last resort. We would text all day and talk about everything but now we only communicate over a group message. I don’t know if he had feelings for me or something goofy like that and then he decided that since I didn’t have anything for him that he shouldn’t be wasting his time. Now whenever we hangout just the 2 of us he has to be high. He can’t even focus on the conversation he is just laughing the entire time. I do really care for him but I don’t think he really respects me. I might be being dramatic but I feel like this. 

The guys that I hangout with also think my time isn’t valuable and that I have time to wait around for them till they decide that they want to hang. 

I hung with some guys this evening and I noticed that listen to what I say but don’t seem to comprehend it. One of friends kept asking me if i wanted to smoke with him and I was like no multiple times and he kept shoving it in my face. At that point I noticed that his on personal agenda was “more important” than my refusal. 

Every friendship is give and take and sometimes more give than take you just have to find the people you are willing to give it all to and the ones that would give it all to you. 



Why I can’t be friends with Max

Young and dumb

The saying “young and dumb” has never been an accurate description of anything I’ve done.

Not once in my life have I done anything illegal. I haven’t snuck out of my parents home; I haven’t got plastered drunk with my friends. Life is about learning from your mistakes and adapting to what you learn to have a better life. I’ve seen the affects of being “young and dumb” and they only provide happiness that is superficial followed by a headache and vomiting the next day.

At some point in my life I will be dumb and reckless and do something I regret but I won’t do it for the explicit reason to do it I will do it because in the moment that I was living I thought it was the right idea and wanted to live more spastically (for lack of a better word).

If your life is filled with getting happiness from material things or things that don’t last, you will never be satisfied. Try to fine happiness from the love of Jesus or his word. Find happiness and doing good things. Happiness comes from doing and enjoying it.

I’m going to learn to enjoy my life and be happy through experience that will make me a better person and reading God’s word.

I Can’t With “I Can’t Even” Anymore

Thought Catalog


For whatever reason, people these days just can’t. In fact, they just can’t so much that after a while they can’t even. This may continue to a point of culmination when they finally can’t even deal. Like, literally, they can’t. It’s gotten so bad that I’m to the point now where I also can’t. I mean, I literally can’t even deal.

And with so many unfortunate souls out there who can’t, we must ask the question: are there any of us out there who can?

The “I can’t” and “can’t even” vernacular has turned into something of a phenomenon. If you said one of these phrases around most 18-25 year old girls, it would actually be accepted. It took center stage recently when Kacey Musgraves won a Grammy and repeatedly couldn’t even. While it makes zero sense and indicates maybe a complete sentence was just too tough to…

View original post 579 more words

The truth about travelers

infinite satori

Press play first.

_DSC7058 copy

We have been called many things. Travelers, by default. But we like to be called nomads. Explorers. Vagabonds. Adventurers. Wayfarers. Modern gypsies. Wanderers. We’ve adopted them all. A growing breed of humans with restless feet and the inability to stay still, the inability to stay in one place.

That is who we are. And that’s just the gist of it.

We come from all walks of life, from bustling gray colored cities, sleepy beach towns, snow-covered metropolises, small villages nestled in between lush green mountains, we come from everywhere. But our inner gravity always brings us to the same place… the road.

We deem courage weighs more than money when it comes to travel. We’re not rich, not financially well-off and we don’t travel for luxury. Our money does not come from rich parents, trust funds, or whatever privileges you think we have in order to maintain…

View original post 1,067 more words


Getting to class is hard. Coming home from class is hard. Class in general is hard. Why make it so difficult to understand concepts necessary for functions human need for everyday life. Complexity challenges the brain making more knowledge overall but why does it have to be so hard to understand? I’m annoyed with the fact I learn slower and seem to be struggling tremendously this semester. I deleted my twitter and Facebook in preparation of turning over a new leaf for getting my grades up and connection more to God. My life up to this point has been a mess I need to become a better person without other things distracting me.